Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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