my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just cut my nipple shaving
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
