Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
