and i looked up. we had an audience...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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