So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
