smell my finger.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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