I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
