You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
