If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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