oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
