woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
