Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
