My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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