Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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