So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
