I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
