His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
