Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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