yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
