Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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