It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
