first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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