fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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