you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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