I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
