I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
