so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
