I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
