worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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