I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
