I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
