Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
