I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
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yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
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For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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