I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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