He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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