I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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