do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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