For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
