I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He felt like a one man threesome
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
