i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
