she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
