this beer tastes like vomit already
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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