he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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