Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
we should paint friendship bongs
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
