I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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