break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
