Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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