Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
