In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
