My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
