im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
