But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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