Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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