i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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