Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
