quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
