Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
