sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
