Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
