Ketchup is God's man juice
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
