Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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