What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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