can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
