Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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