i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
