Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
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Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
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Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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