If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
