You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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