Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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