Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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