Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
