I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
