Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
