Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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