So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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