we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
