I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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