WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
