I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
there was a trapeze. enough said
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
