So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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