Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize