Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
