WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
