Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
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Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
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While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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