so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
