So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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